Thankful Thursday - Safety

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

photo source 

Not all of us live in perfect families. Not all of us have perfect lives. In fact most of us have some baggage we carry with us. My sister and I had a father with a very quick temper. He would burst into anger quicker than a match into flame and the intensity was as strong. We suffered from harsh words and physical wounds through most of our youth. 

Why is it that those who live in households where they have to "walk on eggs" grow up and live in the same kinds of homes? Why is it that those who grew up in unhealthy relationships seem to fall into the same kind as adults? I promised myself as a teen that I would never be yelled at again or live in fear once I left my father's home. I believe that everyone deserves to be safe in their own home. We enter into a world outside our home daily with all it's uncertainties where we need to be on guard but at home one should be able to feel comfortable, secure, loved, and safe. We should be able to let our guard down.

3.3 million children witness domestic violence each year in the U.S. The long term effects on children are far reaching and include such things as post traumatic stress, emotional instability, anti-social behavior, mal-adjustment and a host of physical and emotional disorders. 

While I was subbing in head start one day one little boy kept kicking and biting other students. The teacher I worked for took her cell phone from her pocket and called the boy by name telling him she would call his father if he did not settle down. (I had placed him in time out several times and it had not calmed him down.) The little boy raised his voice, rolled his eyes, and with hands on his hips looked the teacher in her eyes and spat out at her "Go ahead! My father went away with the policeman today for hitting my Mama!" He was angry and probably hurt and did not know where to turn or how to act.

1. What can we do to rescue our children?
2. Do you agree with the state that it is better to maintain the unity of the family?

This post linked to Thursday Two Questions. Amanda always has some interesting topics brewing.  Thanks so much for visiting me today. Take care, stay healthy and God bless!


Jim January 25, 2012 at 11:40 PM  

Hi Judy ~~ I too was the object of my father's quick temper. He never hit my sister that I knew of.
He used to be very violent with my mother when I was small. Then on day we starting going to church. That same day, I figured later, he never again abused my mom.

1. Require parential training and registration, like gun registration, with the state before the parents can ever bring the child home from the hospital. Perhaps there would be less need to rescue the children. And if they do need rescuing every thing could be traced like gun owners.

2. Not really do I think it is better to maintain family unity. It is good yes, to do that. But not better in violent or abusive situations.

Happy Thursday. Mine question today are also of a domestic variety.

Cher January 26, 2012 at 12:56 AM  

very sad to hear such stories. i am thankful that my children are in good hands.

Blessed and Thankful Thursday, Judy!

SquirrelQueen January 26, 2012 at 3:37 AM  

Those are some tough questions Judy. I think we need to train school personnel to be more attuned to the needs of the students. Kids spend more time in schools than anywhere else besides home.

If the family is in upheaval there is no unity to begin with. I don't see trying to preserve a home that is dangerous, physically and/or mentally.

Icy BC January 26, 2012 at 6:53 AM  

1) Remove the children from the abusive environment, and that includes physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuses

2) State only carried out the rules blindly until something bad happened..They need to do an investigation before ruling.

Cathy Kennedy January 26, 2012 at 8:58 AM  

These are some tricky and sensitive questions. I do not have first hand experience in this matter. I think it would be grand if a child in the situation could be placed in the home of a loving family member or the parent who is not abusive, while the other parent is in facility to reform. Once the parent is placed back in the home then a social worker should make weekly routine visits into the home for no less than a year to see how things progress. The case worker's job shouldn't stop with the home life, but investigatting neighbors, teachers, co-workers, ... to glean insight to make sure nothing is going wrong. When someone is held accountable on a regularly basis then I believe that person has a greater change of rehabilitating him/herself. Many of these people don't know how to do anything else, but to be abusive and I think they would like to be better people. They just don't know how to do it. Of course, with the power of God all things are possible even for someone who was raised in such an explosive, violent situation.

Jim January 26, 2012 at 10:09 AM  

Hi Judy ~~ You touched on a very important topic here. I believe in having very happy children, don't we all. The touching problem is that some many aren't as seen by your and my own, similar to yours, upbringing.

1. I believe in prevention first. Adult education along with having children covering this situation will go a long way.
Also there should never be this problem in Christian families. But we know there it still happens.

2. Of course the children need to be removed from an abusive situation. Also the abused spouse, generally the woman, needs protection. The state should initiate removal and give protection but the nurturing and care should be from non-profit agencies.

Judy, I would never have a formal evaluation of Mrs. Jim. We are a help each other-buddy-buddy-loving partnership. I tease on my blog about her evaluation and my regular readers know that I have never finished an evaluation.

It always digresses like the same I had linked to, this one touched on what I learned in ag class about raising pigs.

I softened my post since you read. Sorry to alarm you.

gengen January 26, 2012 at 1:36 PM  

My answers to the questions..

1. To rescue our children parents should be the example of the kids to do good. We teach our kid to tell the truth not lie and not to steal money but it happened that he lied and steal money from us. Then we investigate why this happened. He said that someone in their school did it and he copied it. sigh peer pressure is the cause why he did it. Now we tried harder to teach this kid to do good.

2. My answer is yer or no or maybe. There are families that are broken because of things not work out in the family and kids do bad things. some also parent either the mom or dad have another sweetheart even they are married so kids affected and their family shatter... Anyway, hope you can visit mine...

Self Sagacity January 26, 2012 at 8:56 PM  

Wow Judy, you wrote that piece elegantly. I think for the most part, what we witnessed as kids really do stay with us through our childhood. It is a shame, but there is definitely many abusive husbands, fathers, men... I know of very small percentage of women abusers publicly.
The comments on this post are fantastic. It shows you've touched on a great subject that we feel passionate about. So what do I have to contribute?
1 &2) unfortunately there is always bad. We have grown out of a lot of those unruly behaviors, but not completely. I think we are much more helpful now than we were ever in terms of protecting children. We probably can provide temporary shelters and become more strict at letting children go back to the homes they came from.

Anne Lyken-Garner January 27, 2012 at 7:08 AM  

I don't know how to answer these questions. There are several ways, but all have to be based on individual needs. There is no one across-the-board cure.
I was also severely abused as a child. I cowered in corners, afraid to move. I promised I'd give my kids a different life and I have. Thank God my life is different now.

JamericanSpice January 27, 2012 at 9:44 AM  

This is a great post on the topic. I'm so sorry you went through that as a child.

This makes me cry. I'm trying so hard to make my home safe for my kids. I tell my son that when he gets home from school I just want him to relax and run around and enjoy being home.

I want my husband to feel this way too.

1. I wish I knew a perfect answer for everyone. But I think families need help in being a family. A child should be held sacred.

2. Yes the family unit should be maintained, however if the unit if negative in ways that are destructive to any of the parties, then something must be done to protect the children.

Even now my childhood affects me and I fight not to be that person they molded.


Jenny February 7, 2012 at 9:38 AM  

Wow. this post hit home.

My parents were not physically abusive, but emotionally so to a high extreme.

I married my parents. I thought I didn't. I thought I went totally the opposite way to a man who was funny and seemed kind and supportive.

He wasn't.

19 years and three kids later I found the courage to leave.

Said I'd never get married again, but did. Twelve years ago go a man who treats me as a best friend and a treasure.

I wish I knew how to break this cycle. Both of my girls were in deep relationships with abusive men and have since moved on.

This was really a thought provoking post. I truly, truly wish I knew the answer to this.

Judy SheldonWalker February 7, 2012 at 11:15 PM  

I want to thank all of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this tender topic. You are warm and wise.

God bless all of you.

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